The Third Turn Is Not a Comeback Story

On being sick of the word "comeback," and the awkward, unfinished, wonderful middle of trying something new

Someone called my latest career move a "comeback" and I wanted to throw my drink at them.

A comeback implies I went somewhere. Like I was lying on a couch for ten years in a robe, eating Pringles, and now I am bravely stepping back into the light. I was not on a couch. I was raising kids, building things, getting divorced, starting things, ending things, and generally living a life that was extremely busy, thank you.

A comeback is a story about recovering from something. I am not recovering. I am turning.

NPR's Allison Aubrey just spent a long time collecting more than 150 stories of people reinventing themselves between 50 and 75. Her frame is that this stretch of life is a period of purpose, play, creative pivots, and connection. Not a slow fade. Not a comeback. A turn.

I like that word. Turn. It means you were moving the whole time and you just changed direction. You are not starting from zero. You are starting from everything.

Here is what nobody tells you about the third turn, the fourth turn, whatever number you are on: it is awkward. Deeply, gloriously awkward.

You will be the oldest person in the pottery class. You will be the newest person at the job where everyone else has been there for ten years. You will be in a beginner Spanish app with a cartoon owl yelling at you every morning. You will ask a question in a meeting and realize, from the silence, that it was a very basic question.

Picture a class full of 25-year-olds. On the first day, the instructor asks everyone to share their "experience level." Every one of them says "beginner" with complete confidence. When it gets to you, try this: "I am a beginner at this, and an expert at being a beginner." Nobody will laugh. It's still very good.

A comeback is a story about recovering from something. I am not recovering. I am turning.

But here's the thing. Being a beginner at 50-something is completely different than being a beginner at 22. At 22 you are terrified of looking stupid. At 52 you have looked stupid in every possible room and survived all of them. You know it's temporary. You know the awkward middle is where everything good happens.

So stop calling it a comeback. You are not apologizing for where you were. The years raising kids, caring for parents, building someone else's company, sitting in a marriage that was not working, they were not a detour. They were the training montage.

Stop asking "what am I recovering from?" Start asking "what am I trying for the first time?"

That question is better. It is more fun. It makes you sound like someone who is going somewhere, because you are.

You are not back. You never left. You just turned.

What are you trying for the first time this year? Tell us. Especially if you are terrible at it.