Unfortunately, I Do Love Not Being the Default

Oct 4

3 min read

When someone asks, 'Are you waiting for someone?' I have started saying, 'Yes, my entrée.'

On the slightly embarrassing, totally unapologetic list of things I love that I am done explaining

There is a trend on Instagram right now where people post "Unfortunately, I do love..." and then confess something slightly embarrassing. Unfortunately, I do love a grocery store at 7 a.m. Unfortunately, I do love a man who irons. Unfortunately, I do love a beige sweater.

It's funny because it's specific. And it's freeing because it's an admission without an apology.

So here is mine. It got long. I am not sorry.

Unfortunately, I do love eating dinner alone at the bar. With a book. On a Friday. I love it so much that when someone asks, "Are you waiting for someone?" I have started saying "Yes, my entrée."

Unfortunately, I do love not explaining my divorce. The decision was mine. It was right. That's the whole statement.

Unfortunately, I do love a bed I don't have to share. Diagonal. Every pillow. Mine.

Unfortunately, I do love my job. I know we are supposed to be quiet quitting and talking about burnout. I love the work. I love being good at it. I will not apologize for being ambitious at this age.

Unfortunately, I do love my marriage. Thirty years. Still like him. Yes, it's possible. No, I don't know why it worked. Mostly separate bathrooms.

That last one isn't mine. Neither are the next few. They're the ones women say every time this sentence comes up.

Unfortunately, I do love that I never had kids. Say that one at brunch and watch the table wait for someone to get arrested. Nobody does. Someone orders another round of mimosas.

Unfortunately, I do love being a grandmother, and I also love saying no to babysitting on Saturdays. Both. At the same time.

When someone asks, 'Are you waiting for someone?' I have started saying, 'Yes, my entrée.'

Unfortunately, I do love living in a small town where everyone knows my business. It's my business. I like that they're interested.

Unfortunately, I do love being bored. I spent 30 years being productive. Now I sit on my porch and watch a bird for twenty minutes, and it is the best part of my day.

Here is what I noticed. Every one of these is something women are constantly asked to explain. Why are you alone? Why didn't you have kids? Why are you still working? Why don't you want more grandkids? Why are you still married to him? Why did you move there? What do you do all day?

We have been treating our lives like a court case. Every choice comes with a defense. Every path comes with a closing argument. And the jury is usually some guy at a party who has thought about our lives for exactly forty seconds.

There's no default. There is no correct way to be a woman over 45. There is just your way, and the energy you waste explaining it.

So stop explaining. Start listing.

Not ranking. Not comparing. Not "my life is better than yours." Just: here is what I love, it is a little weird, it's mine.

Unfortunately, I do love this brand. And unfortunately for anyone who wanted us to be quiet, there's a lot of us.

Finish the sentence. Unfortunately, I do love... Tell us.